Thursday, January 23, 2014

Looking to the Future

If you know me at all you know that I am a planner. I plan everything in my life. I sit with my calendar and write out everything that we have planned. I plan on how to spend money, I plan trips, I plan our weekend, our evenings. Everything.

I keep looking to the future excited for what is to come. But in the meantime I keep wishing away the days so that we can get to that future point. I could not wait for the day that I graduated high school, college or got married. Those days have all passed. And as we look to the future I want it to be time for Richard to graduate. I want his comps to be over. I want him to find a job. I want it to be February so that I can start over with planning our finances for the month. I want it to be time for all the trips we have planned this year.

I know that even if I make a plan that it is possible that it will change. That does not bother me. But I like to look into all the different possibilities of what may happen and plan accordingly. And if I know something is coming up then I like to plan it.

What really makes me crazy is that I have no idea what may happen in the next year. I know that Richard will be done with classes in November. That I know. But beyond that it is pretty much an open book. Are we going to stay put so he can finish his dissertation? Will he find a job that will require him to move? Will he find a job right away in November or will it be May before he finds a job? How long of a lease do we sign with our apartment complex? If he finds a job where will we move? New York? Dallas? Chicago? Minneapolis? I know where I would like to end up, but I don't know if it will happen.

I have no idea what it looks like and it depends on so many different scenarios that I cannot even try to predict what may happen. And I know I drive my husband crazy because I keep asking him what life may look like. And he does not know any better than I do. Or at least that is what he tells me. And since these are all such huge life events, I wish I could look into what to expect.

All of these things I cannot plan. And I think this fact makes me want to plan them even more. And it is making me feel like I need to plan more in general, but I have nothing left to plan. I keep trying to come up with new things to plan and I got nothing. And all of this gives me an itch to do something. Anything. So that I have something to fill my time. It just makes me feel like I need to get out and do something. But there is usually nothing to do.

I need to focus more on the now. Instead of trying to plan out what may happen in the next year, I need to live in what we are doing here and now. Because this season of our life will be over before we know it. I need to enjoy the friends we have made and the city we live in because we only have so much time left. And once we get to this future that I keep wishing for, I want to be able to look back and say I enjoyed the adventure. Life is already too short to constantly be looking into the future. So here's to me, as I try my hardest to stop planning out the future.

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1 comment:

  1. I am a planner too. Looking back on my plans in high school, it's funny how those plans didn't work out. I thought I would be a registered nurse with a big house overlooking the ocean in North Carolina. I would have a mini Cooper and I would be married to someone with a job in engineering. I also would have a boy first and then a girl.
    Did any of those things happen? No. But man, I have a much better life than I could have ever planned myself. God likes to chuckle at our plans, and He whispers, "I have something better for you, just wait."
    Love this post! Be in the moment and let tomorrow worry about itself :-)


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