Friday, July 26, 2013

It's Hard to Say Goodbye

It has been a while since I have blogged. But it is for good reason. This is going to be hard to share, but I do not think that I can continue blogging unless I share this. I cannot pretend that things will ever be the same.

On July 11, I received a phone call from my sister telling me that my mom had in a motorcycle accident. My first reaction was to call my husband and he told me to leave work and get on a plane back to Minnesota. We ended up driving 3 and a half hours to Baton Rouge to get me on the first flight available back to Minnesota. Along the way, we found out that my mom did not survive her surgery.

My two sisters and I then had to plan the funeral for our mother, who was only 49 years old. She had been riding her motorcycle like she would any other day, when a car turned out in front of her simply because he did not see her.

My mom's family flew to Minnesota from Boston and New York to come to the funeral. Some of them I have not seen in over 6 years. It was nice to be able to see them all again. My mom always wanted us to all be together again. I just wish it was under better circumstances.

To say these past few weeks have been rough would be an understatement. There are no words to describe how it feels to lose a mother. All the things you think you can ask her when you are older are suddenly gone. My husband and I have not had any children yet and it kills me to know she will never meet them. I will never have a picture of my mother holding my child. I will not be able to ask her questions about raising children or what I was like as child. I cannot ask her advice on what she did for us as children.

I called my mom on my way home from work every Wednesday. I am so very grateful that I was able to talk to her the night before the accident happened. Wednesdays will probably be really tough for me in the future, but the memory of her talks will continue.

My mom was always a free spirit, who loved to ski. I have many memories of her being a little ditzy which always made me laugh. Like this conversation that I posted on Facebook back in January.

mom: I just discovered chat!
me: when you see a green circle that means they are on. See Anna has a green circle
mom: Anna just sent a chat! I see the green circle. I am having so much fun!:)
me: hahahaha well thats very good
mom:You make me smile :)

It hurts me to know that I will never be able to feel what it feels like to hold my mom in my arms when I give her a hug. Or that I will never be able to hear her beautiful laugh. Or that I will never be able to call her up to tell her good news. Or that she will not be there when I move back to Minnesota like I thought she would be when we moved down here.

I thought the day I would lose my mom was so far in the future, but you really never know.

Life is so short so make sure you enjoy every minute of it. Forgive quickly and make sure you tell your loved ones how much you really love them. You never know when the words you speak will be the last words you will ever say to them. The last thing my mom heard me say was that I love her. And I really do. I love you mom and I miss you so much already I cannot stand it. Keep watching over me from heaven and some day I will see you again.

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1 comment:

  1. You're so sweet and so strong Alicia...give yourself plenty of time to cry because I'm sure it takes a lot of time for a wound so deep to heal even a little bit. You're going to be such a great mom someday because you've had a wonderful role-model. And she gave you her wisdom during the time you had together...God will fill in the blanks. I've been praying for your family and will continue to do so. Hugs.


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